Today when I walked into RISE I was nervous. Not nervous because I would be dealing with special needs 2-year-olds, but nervous because I would be dealing with 2-year-olds in general. I'm really afraid to be around kids, because I feel like they're so fragile and that anything I say or do will irreparably break them physically or emotionally.
Of course I got off work late and missed my bus so I had to trudge my way across campus to the building. I was late. I'm one who when they're late they feel as though they've committed a felony. I walk in expecting to be lectured or given the cold-shoulder, but I'm congenially escorted to my room which is filled with 13 kids and 5 adults. I'm thrown into action. I go and sit amongst the kids in a circle and we read a book, (I can't really divulge too too much because that would be a breach of my confidentiality contract)we play, we eat, we nap, I leave.
After leaving there I was sure of 3 things: #1 Secondary Education is the place for me, #2 Inclusion is the best thing for Special Education students, #3 I can't wait to have kids of my own.
Let me expand on these 3 things...
Firstly, without a doubt secondary education is the place I'm meant to be. I feel I can connect better on a scholarly level with kids grades 6-12. Also, not too many elementary schools have Latin, so I'm going to aim where I can find a job.
Secondly, inclusion is awesome. It teaches two different lessons at the same time. The special education children are able to have profound social experiences with "normal" kids that help them show improvement in their development, while the "normal" kids are able to connect to a special education student and learn that there aren't really very many differences between them. I know when I was in school we never had special needs kids in our classrooms, which made them a commodity. I think introducing special needs kids in the classroom helps kids learn that picking on someone who is different in any way is wrong, that everyone is ultimately the same inside even if we learn/look/dress/speak/express ourselves differently.
Lastly, I've always been kind of afraid that I would be a horrible parent. Mainly because I poked my brother's soft spot when he was a baby. I know that's a silly thing to base an entire fear over, but I can't help but feel bad. I think I'm mainly afraid that in some way I'm going to emotionally scar the kid or break it when I pick it up. I pretty much see children as living porcelain dolls. Being in class today and connecting with those kids help me learn that I will be a good mother. No one spontaneously burst into flame when I touched them and no one burst out crying when I played with them. I think this service learning assignment has helped me come in contact with tat mother inside me and I'm so very excited to one day have a family of my own, which I don't think I'll break.
I can't wait to go back next week and see the little kids again. I know the second time will be a ton better, because I won't be as nervous.
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